Creating the Mental Space for Writing

When I first started working on this post, I was in day six without the progesterone that I had to go on last year to help with ::gestures:: things, and while that was NOT in my plans for this summer, there were some factors that couldn’t be helped (new insurance, an unfortunate misunderstanding with a scheduler at a new office, a lack of response from a different new office, don’t even get me started on American health insurance, the absence of a nurse practitioner from the old office, and a stunning lack of desire from the old office to assist me until I could get to my new doctor). Okay, maybe some of those COULD have been helped, but then I just sound very much like a “in MY DAY…” kind of millennial when the reality is that progesterone (with its mood-chilling assistance) or no, the world is still chaotic and grim, and I’m still expected to function as person.

I told myself that I would anticipate the side effects (exercise regularly, eat well, GET SLEEP, etc) to help mitigate any of the bad. But yeah… it’s hard.

I turn to creative endeavors to help relieve that stress or help me escape for a bit. It’s an outlet that I’ve needed most of my life. As a singer, I thrived on the work. Opening a new vocal score for the first time was thrilling. It meant work was ahead of me, hard work—yes! But it meant steps ahead that would slowly build and build until I had a product that would go out on a stage or to an audition. Writing a manuscript and preparing it for querying really helped me to see the parallels between the two, pieces that I would gather up over time until it was a product (not fully finished but still a product). Then comes the polishing, then the feedback, and then finally, ushering it out into the world in a small way.

It’s not without headaches, but it’s thrilling for me to see it through from beginning to end.

One of the hardest parts? When it has to stop. When my brain is overworked, my body not cooperating. All signs that I need a break. And right now? It’s easy to feel overworked when the mental load seems to get heavier every day with personal things that come up and a chaotic world that just seems to be getting more cruel with every headline.

Writing fanfic has taught me a great deal. The chaotic days of posting two to three new fics in a week to be dealt with at my leisure taught me a weird sort of perseverance for which I’m grateful. But eventually, things take a toll, and I’ve had to learn to actively choose escape in order to refuel. Today that seems just as important to do in order to survive and to fight back against the things we see play out in multiple cities here in the states. Refueling and rest (mental and physical), is integral to our survival and it’s just as important to our creative life as well.

They go hand in hand.

If we’re creating, we’re able to fight back against the things that plague us.

If we’re creating, we’re surviving.

I’ve had a few people ask me over the years about the volume of things I write as well as how I manage to do multiple projects at once. I’ll admit that as I turn to start focusing more on drafting new manuscripts and editing those more thoroughly, I do have less space to jump around. But I still know the value in it. I appreciate the need to put things away for a time—even if it gives me pain and my heart is ready to tackle the next part of the list. I’m currently on the cusp of finishing a manuscript draft, and I KNOW that my first inclination will be to immediately jump to the beginning and start reworking things. (It’s very possible that I will initially ignore my own plans, because I’m stubborn. I promise to update you on the status of whether I resist.) But we have to respect the time that we need to recharge and be renewed physically and creatively.

This isn’t one size fits all advice. Everyone works and creates differently. Some have a steady schedule and map out time to write or draw, but since my life doesn’t allow for that—because my brain works on its own hyper focused path sometimes—I have to roll with it when it’s inspired and ready to go. In this case, rest is even more important, since it often means weeks of churning out words before I reach a burnout period.

I say, (WITH CAUTION!!!) this type of burnout is OKAY as long as you recognize it and answer it with care.

Pushing out chapters of fanfic taught me to look for physical/mental signals that I was winding down for needed time of writer’s hibernation. When I get to this point, it feels as if words are not possible. The idea that I am most amped up about? The shine fades and the magic on it seems lost.

Writing begins to feel as if I’m pushing through sludge, and that little voice in my head starts to panic, worried that I’ve finally run dry (God, does this sound dramatic to anyone else???)

The harsh personal critic having more space is the final sign (other than the fact that I’m exhausted). The HPC says that I’ve never written anything good or maybe it says I’m gonna have to cut and rewrite the chapter that I feel deep down is on a good path. HPC says that I’ve “done this before” or “can't write anything original to save my life”. I don’t always see the HPC, but usually when I’m there, I know it’s critical and that the time to put my writing away for a few days or weeks is the next thing I have to do.

I can’t skip this step.

I’ve tried.

I’ve given myself a meager day and tried to sneak in a few words on the next, and like recovering from any injury, my body and mind need this time away. When I’ve cut corners in the past, it only delays my return to my writing. Do I go into this kicking and screaming sometimes? Absolutely. A few weeks ago, I was so close to the finish line on a current project and considered pushing through. Sometimes you do have to squeak by across the line, but I had the ability and time to rest, and it’s sent me into this last section with a better energy to finish.

After kicking and screaming my way into rest, I have to do the other crucial step in coming back with a vengeance: feed myself (yes, sometimes physically—oops, did I forget lunch??).

But feeding my mind sometimes consists of menial tasks and podcasts. It’s a walk outside or on the walking pad and a movie. It’s four regency histroms in a row that hit the sweet spot of my brain longing for well-balanced romance, storytelling, and smut. It’s being with my family in the evenings and on weekends. It’s playing putt-putt golf and kicking ass. It’s painting terrible watercolors or cooking something I know my family will appreciate. It’s reading fanfic and leaving comments. (Sometimes if it’s not about burnout and just about the need to bounce back, which is when I write that crazy idea that’s currently comforting my brain, scratching the itch in the best way.)

It’s stepping outside of the writing and living.

I recently watched this GQ interview with Jason Segel from back in December 2024 where he breaks down iconic characters. It’s a fun interview and as a fan of his, I loved getting bts tidbits (I am frequently cheered up by watching this Table Read moment from Forgetting Sarah Marshall), but I love how he talks about writing and especially a moment where he discusses what he learned while juggling his writing in the midst of also filming the seasons of How I Met Your Mother.

“Art is about making sense of what you’re going though…” It’s something I’ll keep with me for a long time, because that’s why I write.

I write to make sense of what I’m going through, and sometimes it means literally putting those fears and that trauma and that love on paper. And other times, it’s writing the most unhinged thing my brain can grasp at the time to deal with what’s currently scaring the hell out of me.

Our creative lives are a house that we have to manage and care for. We have to make it comfortable to inhabit. We have to make it a place we can return to time and again and the only way we can do that is to choose its upkeep.

I did get in with a new doctor last week, by the way, and the experience was so good, I was worried that I had somehow stepped into an alternate universe. My kiddo had a good visit to the doctor this week that is more promising than I’d initially expected.

The world is still on fire, and things are never perfect.

But I’m watering the grass in my little mind cottage. Staying informed of what is outside, and creating space for daydreaming and adventure. Reminding myself that if no one else needs these stories, I need these stories to keep pressing on.